Toldain Talks

Because reading me sure beats working!


Toldain started as an Everquest character. I've played him in EQ2, WoW, Vanguard, LOTRO, and Zork Online. And then EVE Online, where I'm 3 million years old, rather than my usual 3000. Currently I'm mostly playing DDO. But I still have fabulous red hair. In RL, I am a software developer who has worked on networked games, but not MMORPGS.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Large Bakron Rap

Baubleshire, Qeynos: D.I.R.T.Y. announced a new project today, intended to plumb the mysteries of the nature of magic, and the universe. This project, known as the Large Bakron Collider project, will be led by Fissable Wockle of Baubleshire.

Wockle said that his team would attempt to discover more about the nature of our universe by arranging for very high speed collisions of assorted objects. This will require that they build the largest catapults ever seen on Norrath, capable of flinging a Faeberry pie across Sinking Sands in a tenth of a second.

The project will involve several such catapults, finely calibrated and timed so as to create a collision of pastries over the more empty regions of Sinking Sands. The project also plans to build a Lag Induction device, which Wockle said would be necessary to capture and study the collision in detail.

"It happens all too quickly for us to study otherwise," said Wockle. "The Lag Inducer will create a moment where nothing seems to be happining in the world, even though our perceptions continue as normal. It will be highly beneficial to our research."

When asked what materials they would be colliding, Wockle said, "Well, pies are ideal, since pie is a fundamental constant in the universe, relating the circle and the straight line. Because, you see, pies are circular, but you cut them with a straight line. There are several theoretical particles we expect to observe, such as the pie maysom (short for pie may-I-have-some), and the pie delectron. But really any sort of pastry will probably show us something interesting."

Wockle went on, "We're hoping to get pies from Roselia Goldencrust, who has expressed interest, though she's had some problem with pranksters lately, who have swapped her pies for bags of gold, which is quite useless for our purposes. Now if only they had left her some lead."

Below is a song and video which is a parody of the Large Bakron Collider project produced by some student pranksters in Freeport.

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